Falling down through failure
to possess illusive mountaintops
of worldly success or spiritual fulfillment.
Falling through grief,
a rain of loss,
every day another frailty.
Falling through shame, insecurity,
visceral cringing worthlessness.

Falling through fear
of pain or death.
Falling helpless
to stop the falling.
But mostly falling through
a shear terror of the fall itself.

Falling impotent
to prevent a befalling
of ordinary tragedy.
Falling powerless
to protect a body
(your own or another)
from a rapidly accelerating demise.

We all are endlessly falling
down from every high place,
down from big and small accomplishments,
down through our grasping dreams.
Falling through a crumpled hope.
Falling to let go.
Falling to finally know
the astounding perfection of falling.

The grace filled fall simply to fall,
revel in a pure sensation of falling,
a freedom of falling
through empty space
and breathtaking terror,
cradled by a suspended stillness
of free fall.

Arena Heidi 2007

This poem reveals the darker state of my conscious at the time when I wrote it. But it also offers a glimpse of my spiritual and psychological evolution. Even though it was written from a place of suffering, I was attempting to not get rid of my difficulties, but instead reconcile them with a broader sense of freedom and expansion. I have since discovered that this healing integration happens naturally through self love and repeatedly holding kind presence for one’s suffering.

Kicki Edgren is an extraordinarily talented artist. Visit her website or Instagram page to learn more about her and her work.